Sometimes in life you find yourself lost, rummaging around trying to remember what it was that you were doing in the first place. I've been in this downward spiral pattern for a few months now. My spiral did get slightly looser when I decided it was time for me to look for new job opportunities...let's be honest, I'm a people person, and 2 1/2 years of sitting at a desk 8 hours a day is just not cutting it anymore. Also...I would really love to be paid what I'm worth for once, despite the circumstances of my employer! Anyhow, job-searching has brought new challenges and affirmations, but overall I'm patiently enjoying the search that will eventually lead to my next step up in my career.
My spiral is still there and will probably never truly go away because, well, we live in a fast-paced world now. Everyone has their hands in 50 different pots. They might be good pots, helpful pots, productive pots, enjoyable pots...but that's still a lot of pots! It brings you to question what God's intention for us is in this fast-paced 21st century life. He wants us to be effective, productive, helpful, but always busy?? I'm not sure that's ever his true intent for our lives.
My husband and I both work full time, are very involved in the church, and have numerous friends that we follow up with on a regular basis. These are our main ministries; however, we have found that we are terrible at balancing all of those ministries with the most important ministry we've been given, our marriage. The times we lose each other the easiest are when we are truly wrapped up in our ministries. We are doing good things, trying to help people and love them where they're at, but we're not doing that for ourselves or each other. At the end of the day, we've spent every ounce of emotional and physical energy we have on ministries outside of our home.
This is a constant struggle for us, and I know we're not alone. We are involved in a church filled with many young couples dedicated to their ministries just as much as we are. We have shared with each other how difficult it is to have a balanced home life while deeply involved in ministry. There are usually things we walk away with thinking we should implement in our daily routine to help with that balance, but most of the time no change occurs.
I wonder about this cycle of drainage in our marriage. Why don't we just do things differently? Why don't we turn the TV off more? Why don't we read together anymore? Why don't we make time to have deep and meaningful conversation on a daily basis instead of allowing the abyss to swallow us until we explode...and usually not in a healthy way?
Here's the simple reason....we're not keeping God at the center of our lives.
I know that sounds super cliche, but it's true! I've read books, listened to advice from others, worked harder, stayed positive, etc. etc. On and on goes the list of self-fixing items that we try to do to solve a problem instead of inviting the One who can actually make the change happen into our lives. We're both Christians. We believe in Jesus and his power. We love him. We do the things we do because we feel compelled to live our lives for Christ. BUT that doesn't mean that we're allowing his power to help us on a daily basis!!
We've taken his mission and his truths and run with them, but the problem with that is it will only get you so far! Just like taking a road trip and starting out on a full tank of gas...eventually you're going to be walking if you don't take time to fill up the tank!! Nobody ever wants to stop, because that takes time away from your immediate progress. If you keep ignoring the service stations, you will eventually find yourself in the middle of nowhere with your thumb out, begging anyone for help...that's not the way God intended it.
Because I've made this discovery lately, I've been spending a lot of time filling myself with positive, God-centered thought. I've been listening to podcasts that inspire me to be a better woman and to be courageous with the calling God has given to me. I've been reading blogs and books upon books that challenge my faith and how I incorporate it into my daily routine. I've been praying more...and begging God to set me free from my own devices. I've also been taking more time for myself, but not just watching TV or playing games on my phone...although there's a time and a place for those things as well. I've been spending time being productive for me: scrapbooking, reading, writing, spending more quality time with my husband, connecting with people I love.
By doing these things, I've slowly begun to notice how my perspective and attitude about life has been changing. I see the bigger picture. I'm more patient to wait on God's timing for things moving in my life. I'm willing to trust that He knows what's best, and I'm surrendering myself to His timeline.
I heard something the other day on a podcast that salvation was meant to be simple according to Romans 10:9. It's an acknowledgement that God is God in all his power and glory and that without him, you are nothing. His grace through the sacrifice of his Son is what will save you. It's making the decision to give him access to every area of your life and submit yourself to his authority. Sometimes, you have to recommit to that last step in order for peace to define your life again.
