We should be individuals who are confident in who we are, but we shouldn't be so confident that we become blinded by pride. Humility means accepting who you are, faults and all, and being able to take the whole package of who you are into this world to serve others.
Being self-aware takes practice and courage. It's hard to admit to yourself that you might be wrong or you might need to change. God places things in our lives to help us stop and think about how we are being perceived by those around us. That's not to say that we live based on the opinions of others, but it should be an indicator of how we're doing. True character will eventually shine through, despite people's misperceptions of you. It's not our job to defend our character to those who see a different picture than we're trying to portray. It's our job to live as blameless as possible while fulfilling our live's mission.
It's easy to get weighted down by people's opinions of you, especially if you believe them to be incorrect. You can find yourself spinning round and round in circles trying to meet their undefined expectations, and for what? Eventually they see you for who you really are? Ok....goal accomplished, maybe. But on the path to that menial goal, you've lost sight of what truly matters.
It's hard work to take someone's hurtful words against you and use it for your benefit. Sifting through sharp darts of hurt can cause old wounds to reopen and scars to become undone, especially when those darts touch on inner demons you've been fighting since before you can remember.
But like most hard work, it eventually pays off. You learn more about yourself and gain perspective on life that you wouldn't have had before.
So what do you do with this new information?
For as long as I can remember, my passionate spirit has gotten me into trouble. I have a deep desire to serve the people I care about, and to protect them. In doing so, I've often ended up causing them harm instead. I sometimes have come across as negligent or aggressive. None of these repercussions have ever been my intent, and it's incredibly defeating when I hear that that's been the perception of my efforts.
So what do I do with these perceptions? I use them to become better.
I may wallow for a period of time, and beat myself up for not choosing a better way of showing my passion, but eventually that self-loathing melts away. What is left is a stronger version of who I was yesterday. I can't lose my passion even if I wanted to, and I don't want to. It's a large part of what makes me who I am. It's my job to use these hard lessons to wield my passion in a way that produces more help than hurt to everyone involved.
Some may still see me as a threat simply because of who I am, and that's ok. My goal is not to be a people pleaser, but rather someone who works to help others any way I can. If people can't see that despite my best efforts of shaping my character, then that's not on my shoulders.
It would be a much easier choice to walk away when someone has damaged me with their words, but I would end up hurting the ones I love even more. Walking away would give me the satisfaction of seeing the flame throwers squirm, and that vengeful motivation might fulfill me for a little while. Eventually though, it would be to my detriment. Not only is vengeance the wrong motivation for making any choice, but I would be pulling out every chance of proving that I'm not the person they think I am. In the end, they would win.
So, I have decided to be confident in who I am (strengths and weaknesses included). I have determined to be strong and continue to use harmful darts to build my character rather than tear it down. This isn't an easy choice or a simple path. It will require a lot of courage and tactical thought to move forward, but if my calling is to help others then I have no other choice than to stand back up and finish the job, regardless of people's lack of faith in who I am.
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