Monday, February 19, 2018

My Calling - 2/19/18

I'm genuinely concerned... And I may not be able to do anything about it. I may have to just sit back and have faith that someone else is reaching out or that some way you're intervening Jesus. Please protect that little boy and his mom. Please help Timothy to find him and be able to protect him once again. Bring peace to his mind. He needs you right now. He needs to be shown that he can have faith in you to take care of himself and the ones he cares about.


He's so lost right now. He's looking to the wrong things to drown his pain and distract him. He needs to build healthy habits and rediscover himself. He needs to regain his strength. 


He's a good man. He's been through a lot and his life has brought him a lot of pain and heartache. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to process it much less to continue caring for your family while being strong for yourself at the same time. 


I don't know why I've been drawn to him. I don't know if it's because he needs me or because I need him or maybe it's a little bit of both. I don't know if this is meant to just be a friendship or an actual relationship. I don't think I even really care anymore. I just know that I'm supposed to be here... And I'm ok with that. 


I'm well aware that I might get hurt in the process of all of this. I might get burned again... But if I give what I'm supposed to give while I'm here and do it in a balanced way then any pain that may result will be worth it. 


I know how to do this... How to love without borders. How to see what people need and assist as I can. I have these gifts to allow people to experience love the way all people should. I can love relentlessly and still keep myself intact... Because loving big is part of who I am. It's where I feel most myself.


People are not projects. They're people who need real, authentic love from other people. This new life I'm building will allow me the opportunities to love in this way like I've never been able to before. And I'm starting with Timothy.


This isn't for me. There's nothing I get from this. I get no glory. In fact I lose a little by opening myself in this way, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to take for someone who I'm being pulled to. Call it the pull of the universe or following God's calling in my life out whatever. All I know is that I can't stop listening to my heart and my heart has been pretty clear for awhile on this one. It's not fading or pulling back regardless of what I do to stop it. I have no choice now but to follow the calling I feel, regardless of where it takes me.

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