Weekends are hard. I spend a lot of time alone which is why I almost always go out Friday and Saturday nights now. I have so many great people there that love and support me so it's usually refreshing... And entertaining.
I was really struggling on Friday and I asked Pedro, my DJ, if he could avoid playing What Ifs. It was a simple request except that apparently several women asked for it... And he put them off. I didn't expect him to honor my wishes like that but he did it because he knows that song gets to me. He doesn't know why but he does know how important music is to me.
Usually I can handle hearing the sappy love songs or What Ifs but this weekend I couldn't. And it was his sweetness that got me thru the weekend. The days were still hard but I enjoyed my nights.
Timothy came over on Friday again... This is really starting to become a thing. I don't know what it is about that boy but I cannot get enough of him. I don't want to think about the future or what will happen or if it will become a relationship or be an exclusive thing. I just know that I have fun when I'm with him. He treats me with respect. We have great sex. He makes me laugh. And he's so comfortable being quirky just like me.
He's not expressive or super emotional... Being around him brings a sense of calmness to me. I'm able to relax and turn my brain off and just enjoy his company. For me... That's huge.
It usually takes me until Tuesday to start feeling less depressed from so much time to myself. It's becoming a cycle and I need to figure out a way to break it somehow.
I've been learning a lot about myself, about being single, about letting go of the past so I can move towards the future. This is hard but you said I'm strong enough and look how far I've come since then. Look at what I've accomplished. I may not be where I want to be but I'm living and I'm enjoying my life despite the hard.
You said I could do this... And I still hold onto that when I'm having those moments where I feel like the world is crashing around me. Remembering what you saw in me once helps me break thru the fog and take one more step.
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