Mixed emotions today....I have pretty much everything running thru my brain which is super annoying. Nothing new there really... All the same stuff. I miss you. I want you to come back. It hurts that you left. My life is falling apart. My marriage is changing. I'm hurting Clint. I'm moving out and that's scary and somewhat exciting. I'm nervous about the future... Yada yada yada
I am definitely ready for riding lessons tonight. I need a good stress reliever... Something to focus on and really excel at. This week will be better than last week!
This all will get better eventually won't it? I'll eventually stop missing you so much right? Realizing my life is no where near where I wanted it to be will stop hurting as much?
Clint and I were talking about dogs today. He thinks I'm gonna go out and adopt a bunch of dogs when I move out lol I told him I might get a fish and maybe a bird but that's about it. Although getting one of those really itty bitty puppies would be so fun!
I cannot stop thinking about you today... Usually I can keep myself preoccupied/distracted but today its unstoppable. Gosh... It's so annoying too. I mean of I could text you and talk to you like normal it would be totally different but this is just pure torture.
Omg...I just learned the coolest thing! I had to help this guy install Zoom on his Linux which I know nothing about. So one of my co-workers helped me download a virtual computer generator and we basically built a computer within my computer so I could text it and see how it was supposed to work! It was so sweet! Now I'm gonna have to watch all these YouTube videos about Linux so I can take more tickets like that... So awesome!
Riding went so much better tonight! I'm more relaxed and confident with the trot... Actually feel like I have control. Chip was being a little stinker tonight so I had to be firm with him a few times but it's all good. They really are just like kids lol Joyce said she's gonna pull out some cones next week so I can work on manuevers! I'm excited!
How was your day sweetie? You've been absent more the last couple days. I hope everything is ok with you.
I think I'm gonna put some distance between Robert and me...I just don't know if I can handle it. We're just being friends but he's really attracted to me and I don't think I feel the same way. Even if I did I don't think I can do anything. This is all just really freaking me out... And we're just friends. I do not need another complication in my life right now...
I'm a lil nervous about tomorrow night. He's so excited to see me and it just really freaked me out. We haven't known each other long enough to be attached like that. I had to be honest with him and tell him not to have expectations. I just really want to be friends...I can't do anything more than that. He understood...I could tell he was a little let down but I'd rather him be that way now than lead him on and break his heart later.
I hate letting people down. But sometimes it's necessary. On that note I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm exhausted from the emotions of this week. I really do hope everything is ok with you. It kills me to not know you're happy and healthy. I guess I just have to have faith that you are.
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