I wish I could talk to you... Like really talk to you. Catch up on all the things.
So many things have happened. So many details you've missed. So much I want to get your advice on. So many stories that you would probably just shake your head at laughing at me and my ignorance lol... I am learning tho.
Friday night was... Just wow. I had such a great time at Kanza. I didn't even dance much cuz I pulled a hamstring a couple weeks ago so I have to be careful until it heals. But I just had so much fun talking with people. I ended up taking a couple friends home that needed rides. It was great! I've met so many amazing people and I just love it. It's amazing how when you need it most you find community in places you least expect it.
I brought someone home on Friday... Someone that just gets to me somehow. You know... That feeling you get that draws you to them. Blind hopefulness that won't go away... Like a magnet.
I've been with him before but we were basically both goners when we hooked up that night so it doesn't completely count. I promised myself we'd get a second chance so I've just been keeping my distance and enjoying the small moments I get to connect with him and keep the spark or friendship or whatever it is going.
Friday night was different for us. We talked, we goofed around...I haven't laughed like that in a long time. He's young, more mature in ways than most guys his age, but he'd never really be into me. He's the type that gets all the models... And deserves to. The most I can do is be his friend and show him what a real woman can be like. Maybe give him something to hope for as he searches. If I can manage that... Even if nothing comes of us more than friendship, then it's worth it.
To be honest, Friday night was some of my best work. I can't remember when I've been able to get into my comfort zone on bed like that aside from when I was with you. He actually reminds me a lot of you...The strong, silent type with more insecurities than he cares to admit. ;-) he just is who he is, despite his trust issues. He doesn't care what people think but he doesn't share a lot of personal things either. He cherishes the people who he actually let's into his safety zone.
He's amazing on the dance floor and one of my favorite partners... When I can steal him away from all the girls pining to dance with him lol
We made a connection this weekend and I know he could feel it to. The way he hugged me when he said good bye was different than normal...I let go first. And Saturday night when he was dancing and caught my eye sitting on the side, there was genuine recognition there. Mutual respect. Admiration even.
I can't make this into anything. His life is a mess and mine is just crazy right now. I'm not trying to pursue anything. But... He made me feel again you know? Got my heart beating. Gave me the chance to be everything I wanted to be and he just appreciated me for it in those moments.
We're not meant to be... He's too much of a diva lol
But maybe I was meant to have that connection Friday night. To be reminded that there is life after this. After my marriage. After you. Maybe I needed my heart to effortlessly beat again without me begging it to.
I used to feel that way with you. It was rejuvenating to catch a glimpse of that feeling again... Even if just for a moment in time.
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