I had a realization today.
I don't have any faith in relationships anymore... Or love.
Between what's happened with Clint and what happened with you, my faith in the institution of long term relationships is non-existent.
Does that stop me from building relationships? No. Does that stop me from loving people? No. But it does affect how high my guard is when meeting new people and how much I actually let them in.
It's almost like I'm living in the moment and enjoying it but always living with the expectation that some day that relationship will end.
I have no expectations anymore when building new relationships and loving people. It's easier to move on and let people go of you've always had the expectation that eventually that will happen.
I didn't realize just how much I was living like this until today. I don't think it's an unhealthy way to live. It's self-protective. And right now that's where I need to be.
Maybe some day someone will change my mind... Who knows. For now, this is how I choose to live and love.
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