Not gonna post this... Cuz honestly I'm kinda fed up with your breaks.
I'm over not talking about stuff like any functioning couple should be doing. I don't care if we're different or unique... We still need communication. Taking breaks completely removes that piece from our relationship. I know I fucked up a little bit on Friday but honestly it didn't need to go this way. It didn't need to be this extreme and I'm so tired of it always coming to this. You are basically running away from me by suggesting a break and it hurts so much. I get nothing out of this aside from missing you. Trying to distract myself at every turn and make my life go on until you deem it the appropriate time for us to talk again.
That sucks so much and honestly just really makes me angry.
Part of me feels like we're just having a fight or whatever... But mostly I feel like this is the end. I feel like I'm losing you finally. Can't shake that feeling. Maybe it's because I've been feeling it coming on over the last couple weeks. I'm not sure... But I'm scared to death to talk to you right now because I'm almost positive that's where you're gonna go with this. And I won't have a choice... Never do.
I'm honestly just really depressed about this whole thing right now. I feel like I'm going to lose no matter what I do. And what really sucks about that is that I was really happy with where we were. I was happy with you in my life.
You're my best friend honey... Please don't leave just because you think this isn't good for me. I need you in my life and nothing is going to change that. No amount of breaks or you acting like a dick or assuming I'm obsessive when I'm really just being me... None of it changes the fact that I'm better because of you.
I officially hate everything about this and I just know tomorrow's going to suck. Being at work and not being able to talk to you is the absolute worst. I don't know why cuz it's not like I'm not busy but it really sucks. And somehow I just know you're gonna keep this going throughout the week.
The silence at night kills me the most. Not having any reassurances from you. Not knowing what you're thinking or how your feelings are developing. Not knowing if you've finally taken that step and decided that you're better off without me in your life. These questions and more race through my mind without stopping. You think I was wigging out emotionally before... Give me a few more days of this and see what happens. Or better yet give me silence then break up with me like you did before. Then you'll see what emotionally unhinged really looks like.
The only reason I'm semi holding it together right now is because I've had a lot to distract me and you said you still loved me and that this didn't mean we were done. You have no idea how much I'm holding onto that promise. And how much those words are keeping me sane right now. You're little breaks.... Not good for me. Never have been. Never will be.
No comments:
Post a Comment