Today...hmmm
I don't really know how I feel today to be honest. I got a little dressed up today. Gonna be at work all day until the party so I figured something cute was in order. Have I mentioned how much I love boot weather? Seriously my favorite! So I guess that got me set up in a good mood. Chat hasn't been too bad either, which is also nice. It's gonna be a busy weekend full of ppl which is a good and bad thing. A distraction to look forward to but no real outlet for emotions which means I'll be burying them. That doesn't usually end well for me but it's just for a weekend so I should be ok.
I really miss you today. I wish things weren't the way they are. I wish you'd come back to me. But I know you don't want that. It's not up to me... And that's the hardest part of all this. You left me... Because I'm not good for you. Nothing is gonna change that for you.... No matter how good you were for me. That harsh reality pops up on occasion and really stings.
I think I realized something about myself this week. I'm naturally a strong person... When I'm carrying other people. It's what I was designed to do. I've always been good at that. In order to do that effectively tho I have to shove my emotions down and be fairly self sufficient in dealing with them.... Which doesn't always happen. I'm not super good at taking care of myself consistently.
There was something different about you tho. You broke down those walls to my emotional baggage and allowed me to lean on you for a change. I was allowed to be taken care of emotionally instead of having to take care of everyone else and burning myself out. I haven't had many people in my life allow me to do that. I got too used to it. I abused it cuz it's so rare for me. I burnt you out.
Part of the reason I think it's so hard for me to let you go is because I forgot how to be strong on my own. You became my strength. I enjoyed not having to bear things on my own for a change. You encouraged me in ways I haven't had before. Whether good or bad... That's what happened. That's how I lost myself loving you and how I know you were good for me but I need to learn how to have what I had with you and still keep a balance in my life emotionally.
Went to lunch with Jared and Joey... Fresh outta college boys lol I do actually have other friends in the office. Oh well... They know how to have a good time so it's all good. I'm pretty much the big sister of the shift which works for me lol
It's 3:30, it's been a hell of a week, and we have an office party tonight. I think it's safe to say that everyone has pretty much shut down at this point lol they're all walking around just visiting and saying hi... It's great for a Friday afternoon.
Not sure how late this thing is going to go tonight. It's more of a family thing this time so I think it only goes until 9. I'm working with the kids a little bit so that will be fun! Get my baby fix for the evening. I asked Clint to bring a change of clothes for me just in case I decide to go to Kanzaa. Not sure yet but it's always good to be prepared lol
Gosh I'm so bored... So my tickets are wrapped up. No new tickets coming in. No calls coming in... If they had drinks set up already I'd already be there.
T-minus 10 minutes... I'm so ready for this work week to be over. I love having office parties and getting to knowing people better. This group of people is really great... Bunch of dorks of course but that works for me lol
Yeah I just realized the whole family friendly party is just really not my thing. First of all it's a little too mellow for my taste but I managed to mingle just fine. Secondly, there were so many kids and families... It made me a little depressed because of where we're at. We were so close to getting a kid... But at the same time I know that waiting another year isn't going to kill me... If that's where we end up with things. Also one of my friends who adopted brought his daughter so I got to hold her for awhile tonight. That helped. There's something about animals and children that just really makes me feel at home.
Good party... Not like last time tho so I'm glad I had Clint bring my clothes. I need to dance some of these cares away.
Got to Kanzaa and they had this band with a bunch of 40 year olds lol it wasn't that great but they finally cleared out around 10 and Pedro put my country music on. Bearded Mike asked my to dance for the first dance! He's kind of a player so he hops around a lot and he always smells like bad tobacco but he's an amazing dancer! Not many regulars here tonight so we'll see how it goes.
Ahhhh I have so many contacts here now... It's weird and refreshing. Is it bad that they're mostly guys?
So tonight was... Wow. I'm too tired to tell you about it now. But wow.
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