Sunday, October 1, 2017

Running List of Positives

-You got me back into the gym and into a regular workout routine. I'm now in the best shape I've ever been in...I just wish I could share it with you.

-I started journaling again.

-You woke up my sexual side and embraced who I am in it.

-You gave me back my spark. Everyone could see that I was happy again.

-You helped me realize how unhappy I was at PA much sooner than I would've by myself. 

-You gave me the courage to make a job change. 

-You gave me the confidence to start my new job knowing I was well equipped for the challenge.

-Your unfaltering confidence that I am stronger than I know. That I can do amazing things. I just need to believe in myself.

-You filled my lonely hours this summer where I was tempted to drift into anxious solitude about the adoption and where my life is. 

-You affirmed me that my life is worth living. That I do make a difference. 

-Without you this summer I'm positive I would've slipped into one of the deepest depressions I've ever known. I might still be going there but at least I had the best summer of my life first. Those memories of you will carry me through.

-You showed me I was worth fighting for, worth being patient for, worth pursuing and desiring.

-You know those butterfly feelings you got the first night you saw me. I had those every day talking to you.

-You broke down my walls more than anyone ever has before. 

-I fell harder for you than I've ever let myself fall. It hurts like hell now but I have no regrets for falling crazy in love with you.

-You saw my inner demons and for awhile we fought then together.

-With you I didn't have to hide or put on a front. You wanted the real me so I let you have it. I felt safe in you for so long. I just wish it could've lasted and that my unbarred self wouldn't have destroyed this and hurt you so much.

-I was able to help get you through your whole "not sure if I want to get married" phase. I'm still proud of that. You used to trust my opinion on relationships back then. I believe you once even called me wise. Most ppl do until they find out how broken I am. What they forget is that I'm wise because I'm broken. 

-You were the best best friend I ever had. 

-You made me feel so beautiful and sexy. 

-You made me feel desired and wanted. I doubt I'll ever find someone who can ignite the sexual desire you sparked in me. We truly were a matched pair in that. 

-You taught me how to be more open to things I don't understand. To not be so close minded about viewpoints that are different than mine but to listen even if I don't agree. 

-You taught me that loving hard doesn't always have a happy ending but that doesn't make it any less worth it. 

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